Let’s clear something up right away: emotional regulation isn’t about “staying calm.” It’s not about being zen all the time. It’s not about controlling every reaction or pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Real emotional regulation is the ability to feel something, especially something uncomfortable, and stay connected to yourself long enough for it to dissipate. This lessens the overwhelm and allows you to respond intentionally.

I’ve worked with a lot of clients over the years who can’t sit still without guilt creeping in. They take a weekend off, or even just a 30-minute break, and suddenly they’re flooded with thoughts like: “I should be doing something right now.” “Did I really earn this?” “This is wasted time.”

The relationship between productivity and self-worth is a tricky one. Many of us chase productivity as if it’s the holy grail of success, but what if I told you that this drive often stems from unresolved childhood issues? It’s a pattern I see frequently in my clients, high-achievers who feel the need to constantly prove themselves, often at the expense of their wellbeing.

If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable people, it’s not a coincidence. It’s not the algorithm. It’s not some cruel glitch in the dating pool. It’s your brain doing what it’s wired to do: follow the blueprint it picked up early in life. From birth, your brain starts building a map of what connection feels like. If love meant inconsistency, distance, or walking on eggshells, your body logged that in as safe. Not because it was good. But because it was familiar. And familiarity, to the survival brain, means “we’ve lived through this before.

One of my clients came to me feeling like she was constantly at war with herself. She had big ideas, creative vision, and a lot to say, but somehow, nothing ever made it out into the world. She would write captions, then delete them. Draft an email, then save it in a folder that never saw daylight. Make a plan, then immediately second-guess it.

One of my clients used to tell me, “I always pick the wrong guys.” On the surface, it looked like another round of bad dates. But over time, something deeper showed up. She wasn’t unlucky. She was patterned. And the pattern wasn’t random, it was built years ago, in childhood. Not just in her nervous system, but in her subconscious beliefs. Beliefs she didn’t even realize she had.

As much as I hate the word “boundaries” and think it’s overused in pop psychology, they are super important, and I haven’t found a better word to replace it (open to suggestions). So we’re going to stick with “boundaries” for the duration of this blog.

I Thought It Was Just Work Stress, Then My Clients Showed Me It Was Trauma. I used to believe most people just needed better work-life balance. A calendar tweak here, a “no” there, and boom, problem solved. But the more I listened to clients, the more something didn’t add up. These weren’t disorganized people. They weren’t unaware. They weren’t flailing.

Inner Child Work Isn’t About Fixing You, It’s About Rewiring What You Learned to Believe One of my clients came in feeling stuck. She couldn’t stop apologizing, in meetings, emails, group chats, even casual conversations. She was always softening her language: “Sorry if this is a dumb question…”,“Just wanted to check in…”, “Sorry if I’m overreacting.”

For years, I thought “fixing” low self-worth was mostly about mindset. If you felt “not enough,” you were running faulty mental code. Swap in better code, new beliefs, affirmations, and you’re good to go. That belief became my compass. And like a compass that’s just a few degrees off, it kept my clients walking in circles. No matter how much they “worked on themselves,” the same problems came back: shrinking in meetings, second-guessing decisions, replaying conversations in their heads.

Perfectionism Isn’t Ambition. It’s a Full-Body Survival Pattern. Let me start with something that makes a lot of people uncomfortable: Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a survival response. I know that sounds dramatic. Especially if you're the kind of person who thinks, “I just like to do things right. What’s wrong with that?” Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with high standards. But if the thought of getting something “wrong” triggers anxiety, panic, procrastination, or total shutdown, that’s not just preference. That’s protection.

We often think “high-functioning” means someone is doing fine. Sure, maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re tired. But if they’re meeting deadlines, paying bills, handling life….they’re okay, right? Those assumptions fit the “high-functioning” label perfectly. People who look calm, responsible, organized. People who get shit done. But underneath all of that? Anxiety. Quiet, persistent, deeply wired anxiety.