I Thought It Was Just Work Stress, Then My Clients Showed Me It Was Trauma. I used to believe most people just needed better work-life balance. A calendar tweak here, a “no” there, and boom, problem solved. But the more I listened to clients, the more something didn’t add up. These weren’t disorganized people. They weren’t unaware. They weren’t flailing.

Inner Child Work Isn’t About Fixing You, It’s About Rewiring What You Learned to Believe One of my clients came in feeling stuck. She couldn’t stop apologizing, in meetings, emails, group chats, even casual conversations. She was always softening her language: “Sorry if this is a dumb question…”,“Just wanted to check in…”, “Sorry if I’m overreacting.”

For years, I thought “fixing” low self-worth was mostly about mindset. If you felt “not enough,” you were running faulty mental code. Swap in better code, new beliefs, affirmations, and you’re good to go. That belief became my compass. And like a compass that’s just a few degrees off, it kept my clients walking in circles. No matter how much they “worked on themselves,” the same problems came back: shrinking in meetings, second-guessing decisions, replaying conversations in their heads.

Perfectionism Isn’t Ambition. It’s a Full-Body Survival Pattern. Let me start with something that makes a lot of people uncomfortable: Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a survival response. I know that sounds dramatic. Especially if you're the kind of person who thinks, “I just like to do things right. What’s wrong with that?” Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with high standards. But if the thought of getting something “wrong” triggers anxiety, panic, procrastination, or total shutdown, that’s not just preference. That’s protection.

We often think “high-functioning” means someone is doing fine. Sure, maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re tired. But if they’re meeting deadlines, paying bills, handling life….they’re okay, right? Those assumptions fit the “high-functioning” label perfectly. People who look calm, responsible, organized. People who get shit done. But underneath all of that? Anxiety. Quiet, persistent, deeply wired anxiety.

For a long time, I didn’t even have language for what my clients were going through.They didn’t describe their childhoods as traumatic. There was no obvious abuse. No terrifying scenes you’d expect from a movie. Most of them would say things like: “My parents weren’t bad.” “They provided for me.” “I had a good childhood.” But the more we talked, the more it became clear: they were carrying invisible wounds. Deep ones. From parents who, while not cruel or violent, just weren’t grown up enough, emotionally speaking. Let’s talk about what that actually means.

Most of my clients show up with a long list of things they’re already doing to feel better. They workout and listen to podcasts dedicated to health & wellness. They’ve read the best-selling books and could probably teach a mini class on how to “optimize” stress.

If you’re someone who always feels like you’re one slip-up away from being “found out”, like all your successes still aren’t enough to prove your worth, then you probably know shame way too well. I see this all the time in my clients. On paper, they’re successful. They’ve built careers, raised families, checked all the boxes. But under it? There’s this quiet, gnawing belief: “I’m not good enough.” It might not be loud every day, but it’s there, shaping how they think, work, love, and treat themselves.

Your inner child isn’t some magical being living inside you. It’s your emotional wiring. The network of beliefs, fears, and body responses your brain built when you were little. If you grew up feeling unsafe, ignored, shamed, or like love had strings attached, your nervous system took notes. It learned fast how to keep you in line, to protect you from the pain of being left out or let down.

I want to clear something up.

Overfunctioning isn’t noble.
It’s not a sign that you’re “good under pressure,” “so capable,” or “the strong one.”

It’s a stress response.

It’s your nervous system’s way of staying ahead of danger by managing everything, other people’s needs, feelings, and responsibilities, so nothing falls apart.

I see it constantly in my clients. The high-performers. The caregivers. The “doers” who carry more than their fair share and then blame themselves when they burn out. The common thread? They’ve been overfunctioning for so long, they think it’s normal.

So let’s name it. Let’s break it down. And let’s talk about what a healthy alternative actually looks like.

I used to think success was a tradeoff. That if I wanted to “make it”, to be respected, productive, driven, I had to give up things like rest, joy, and ease.

To me, fulfillment looked like a luxury you earn after grinding. Like a prize you unlock once you've checked enough boxes. Until then? Keep your head down and push harder.

You know what’s wild? Most of the people who look like they’ve got it together, the high-achievers, the “I’m fine” crowd, the ones who never miss a deadline…..can’t actually rest. I don’t mean they’re bad at time management. I mean rest literally feels uncomfortable. Like the second things slow down, something inside them speeds up.