Why High-Functioning Anxiety Is Misunderstood
I used to think success was a tradeoff. That if I wanted to “make it”, to be respected, productive, driven, I had to give up things like rest, joy, and ease.
To me, fulfillment looked like a luxury you earn after grinding. Like a prize you unlock once you've checked enough boxes. Until then? Keep your head down and push harder.
And for a while, that worked. I got the promotions. The praise. The milestones. My calendar was packed, my inbox overflowing. People said things like “you’re killing it.” And on paper, I was.
But here’s the part I didn’t see coming: After that initial feel-good moment, I felt nothing.
Not “burnt out,” exactly. Just empty.
Sometimes it made me feel like I had to push myself even harder just to keep pace.
Like success was a costume I had to keep wearing, even though I wasn’t sure who I was underneath it anymore.
The Sacrifice No One Talks About
At first, I brushed it off. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe I needed a new challenge.
But that feeling, the weird hollowness after a “win”, kept coming back. I’d hit a goal, celebrate for like 20 seconds, and then immediately move the bar. Next thing. Next metric. Next win.
And over time, it wore me down.
Not in a dramatic collapse kind of way, more like a slow leak.
I started skipping time with friends. Ignoring signals from my body. Thinking about work 24/7. If I wasn’t actively producing something, I felt like I was wasting time. That mindset cost me presence, connection, and eventually even motivation.
And here’s the wild part: my work didn’t actually improve.
It just became heavier. Like I was dragging my ambition around with me instead of being pulled by it.
Why It Happens: A Bit of Brain Science
Let me nerd out for a second, because there’s actual neuroscience behind why this happens, especially for high-achievers.
Our brains are wired to love progress, not outcomes. Dopamine, the chemical that drives motivation, spikes during the pursuit of a goal, not after we hit it. The brain releases dopamine when anticipating a reward. This anticipation motivates actions to achieve the desired outcome. That’s why achieving something doesn’t always feel as good as we thought it would. The brain already got its dopamine hit while we were working toward it.
What’s more, high-achievers often have what we call a “future-oriented bias.” We’re trained to value delayed gratification. But taken too far, that means we’re constantly scanning for what’s next and never really feeling the present.
Add to that the culture of productivity worship, and boom, you’ve got a recipe for emotional numbness that looks like “success.”
The Moment It Shifted
I wish I could say I had some big dramatic breakdown, but it was actually a small moment that flipped the switch.
I was talking with someone I respected, someone wildly successful, by anyone’s definition, and they said something that stuck:
“The reward for success is just….more responsibility. Unless you create meaning for yourself on purpose, you’ll always feel like you’re chasing a ghost.”
It hit me harder than I expected.
Because that was it. I’d never actually defined why I was chasing any of this. I just assumed the process itself would eventually lead to meaning.
Shocker: it doesn’t.
A Better Way (That Still Works for High-Achievers)
What I realized is that the problem wasn’t ambition. I didn’t need to stop caring or quit everything.
I just needed to stop seeing joy and drive as opposites.
The best metaphor I’ve found for this came from Tressa Lacy, who said,
“There’s a difference between striving from worth and striving for worth.”
And damn, that was a punch in the gut.
When you strive for worth, every achievement is a bid for value and identity. It’s exhausting and endless.
When you strive from worth, success becomes an expression, not a validation. You can still work hard. But it’s driven by something real, not fear.
So I started doing small things to reconnect with my life outside of performance:
I gave myself permission to be “unproductive” on weekends.
I reconnected with creative stuff that didn’t “scale” (like designing birthday cakes)
I started asking myself why before saying yes to new projects.
I built in little daily moments of presence: sitting in the sunlight, meditation, petting my dog.
And, surprise, my work didn’t fall apart. It actually got sharper. I had more ideas, more focus, and way less resentment.
Turns out, fulfillment isn’t the enemy of achievement. It’s fuel for it.
If You’re Feeling Empty Too…
You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not “ungrateful” for feeling this way.
You’ve just been taught that hustle is a shortcut to happiness. That sacrifice is the price of greatness.
But the truth is, you can be driven and grounded.
You can chase big things without running away from yourself.
You can build your success on joy, not just effort.
You don’t have to pick.
