Feeling Insecure Despite Your Success? Here's What's Really Going On

May 21

Let’s be honest, feeling insecure when you know you’re qualified is straight-up frustrating. You’ve got the degrees. You’ve done the work. You’re not winging it. And yet, there's this lingering voice in the back of your mind that keeps whispering, “What if I’m not actually good enough?”

This isn’t because you’re broken or being dramatic. There’s actually a solid reason for this - and no, it doesn’t mean you need another productivity hack or “positive vibes only” mantra.

Let’s talk about your brain. More specifically, let’s talk about the two systems that are constantly trying to run the show: your logical brain and your emotional brain.

Your Logical Brain vs. Your Emotional Brain

The logical part of your brain, also called the prefrontal cortex, is the part you think is in charge. It’s the one that tells you, “You’ve got years of experience. You know what you're doing. Relax.” It’s great at rational thought, decision-making, and staying calm under pressure (in theory).

Then there’s your emotional brain. This includes your limbic system, especially the amygdala. This part of your brain doesn’t care about your resume. It cares about safety. It’s on the lookout for anything that feels even remotely like a threat. And unfortunately, it can’t always tell the difference between real danger and stuff like public speaking, criticism, or rejection.

So what happens? Your logical brain and emotional brain start playing tug-of-war. Logically, you know you’re fine. But emotionally? You’re still six years old, feeling like you're one mistake away from being humiliated, abandoned, or punished.

And that’s where Internal Family Systems comes in.

What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Why Does It Matter?

IFS is a model that says we’re not just one single voice inside, we’re made up of many different “parts.” Think of them like little sub-personalities or roles that try to protect you in different ways.

These parts aren’t bad. They’re not broken. They’re actually trying to help. But sometimes, they get stuck in old roles based on past experiences, especially from childhood.

So, let’s say there’s a part of you that feels deeply insecure. That part probably formed a long time ago. Maybe it came from a parent who was overly critical, or a teacher who shamed you in front of the class, or years of being ignored when you needed support.

That part doesn’t care if you have a Ph.D. or a C-suite role now. It’s not convinced. It still thinks you're not enough.

And then there’s your logical part - what IFS would call a “manager part.” It’s the one that’s constantly trying to rationalize, over-prepare, or analyze your way out of insecurity. It thinks, “If I just do more, prove more, be more, THEN I’ll feel okay.”

But the problem is this: You can’t out-think a feeling that’s rooted in emotional memory.

Why This Happens (and Why You're Not Broken)

Here’s a little neuroscience for my analytically-minded folks: Emotional memories are stored in a part of your brain that’s not super responsive to logic. You might know you’re good enough, but if your emotional brain has learned to associate certain situations with fear, shame, or rejection, then it will keep firing off warning signals even when there’s no real danger.

That means you can walk into a boardroom with total confidence in your skills and still feel like you're about to be exposed. That’s not because you’re weak. That’s because your emotional brain is protecting an old part of you that got hurt a long time ago.

So What Do You Do About It?

You stop trying to avoid the insecure part and start listening to it.

Here’s what that can look like:

Get curious: Instead of shutting down the insecure part, ask it what it’s afraid of. Not in a dramatic way - just get curious. Rejection? Judgment? Criticism?
Recognize that it’s a part, not the whole: Feeling insecure doesn’t mean you are insecure. It means a part of you is showing up. That’s it.
Don’t argue with logic: You don’t need to convince the insecure part with facts. You need to build trust with it, like you would with a scared child.
Work with the part, not against it: That insecure part may be trying to protect you from rejection, failure, or embarrassment. When you understand its motive, you can respond with compassion instead of shame.
Start building a relationship with your parts: This is where Internal Family Systems really shines. You begin to notice when different parts show up and work toward helping them feel safe enough to soften.

Final Thoughts

You can be confident and still feel insecure.

You can know your worth and still have moments where it doesn’t feel real.

That’s not a flaw in your thinking, it’s how your emotional system was trained. But when you stop trying to bulldoze your feelings with logic and instead get to know the parts behind them, that’s when things actually start to shift.

Not overnight. But for real.

And if this sounds like a relief, good. It should be.

Because this isn’t about “faking it till you make it.” It’s about finally listening to the parts of you that never got the chance to feel seen, safe, or good enough in the first place.

And that? That’s where the real work and the real freedom begins.