True Self vs Protector Patterns
Your Inner Critic Isn't the Enemy, It's a Sign You're Still Protecting Yourself
One of my clients came to me feeling like she was constantly at war with herself.
She had big ideas, creative vision, and a lot to say, but somehow, nothing ever made it out into the world. She would write captions, then delete them. Draft an email, then save it in a folder that never saw daylight. Make a plan, then immediately second-guess it.
Her first thought? Something must be wrong with her.
She said things like, “Why am I like this?” and “I’m just too sensitive” or “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
Sound familiar?
But here’s what we uncovered: that wasn’t her voice.
That was her inner critic, and it had been running the show for years.
Where the Inner Critic Comes From
The inner critic doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. It’s not some evil part of your brain trying to sabotage you.
It usually starts as someone else’s voice, a parent, a teacher, a peer, a manager, internalized over time.
In my client’s case, it sounded almost exactly like her fourth-grade teacher, who once told her in front of the whole class, “You should’ve known better.” It sounded like her mom, who wanted to help but often said things like, “Don’t embarrass yourself.” And it sounded like an old boss who nitpicked every idea until she stopped sharing them altogether.
That voice had one job: keep her safe.
Safe from criticism.
Safe from embarrassment.
Safe from rejection.
It wasn’t “bad.” It was just outdated.
The problem was, the more she listened to it, the smaller she became.
Protector Patterns vs. True Self
We all develop protector patterns when we’re young, habits that helped us stay accepted, praised, or invisible when needed.
Maybe you learned to over-prepare, shut down your emotions, say “yes” to everything, or aim for perfection every time. These were smart strategies in childhood. But as adults, those same patterns often block authentic self-expression.
The inner critic isn’t just about being mean.
It’s about control.
If it can keep you from risking anything, it thinks it’s doing its job.
But here’s the cost:
You stop trusting your own voice.
You stay busy instead of intentional.
You work hard but feel unfulfilled.
My client wasn’t lazy or broken.
She was just stuck in a protector pattern that had once helped her survive.
Signs You’re Operating From the Inner Critic
You may not always recognize the inner critic right away. It doesn’t yell, it whispers. But the impact is real.
Some signs include:
Obsessing over whether something is “good enough”
Avoiding decisions because none feel “perfect”
Downplaying your wins or brushing off praise
Feeling exhausted by your own overthinking
Critiquing others as a way to keep distance or control
Starting and stopping creative work again and again
All of these are clues, not of failure, but of over-protection.
The Shift: From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
What changed for my client wasn’t some big breakthrough moment.
It was small, intentional choices, repeated over time.
She learned to pause when the voice got overbearing.
She started wondering, “Whose voice is this?”
She got curious instead of critical.
She noticed how her body felt when she was in her true voice, lighter, steadier, more direct.
And she let that version of her speak, even if it felt clumsy at first.
Instead of trying to silence the critic, she started recognizing it as a part of her that was afraid. Not evil. Not wrong. Just scared.
That shift, from judgment to curiosity, created room for her true self to show up.
Practices to Reconnect With Your Authentic Self
Here are a few things that helped her (and others I’ve worked with) start that shift:
Name the Critic
Give it a character. Make it silly if you want. Separating it from “you” helps you detach from it a bit.
Track the Pattern
Notice when it gets loud. What’s the trigger? Is it new ideas? Being seen? Asking for help?Use Body Cues
Your body often knows before your mind does. If your chest tightens, your voice shrinks, or your stomach flips, check in.Practice Compassion
Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a child or a close friend who’s scared. That softness is power, not weakness.Anchor to Your Authentic Self
Ask: “What do I know is true, even if I’m scared?” That’s your real voice. Start listening.
Final Thought
You don’t need to “get rid of” your inner critic.
You need to stop giving it the mic.
That part of you is trying to protect you. It’s just using an old script, one written before you knew who you really were.
Healing starts when you stop blaming yourself and start listening in a new way.
Your true self has something to say.
And it’s time to let it speak.
👉 Get my book UNPACKED: How to Detach From the Subconscious Beliefs That Are Sabotaging Your Life to start clearing out the baggage that’s been running the show
