Therapy vs Coaching Explained

Therapy vs. Coaching: Why the Difference Matters More Than You Think

A lot of people get confused about the benefits of having a coach versus a therapist. And I get it. On the surface, they sound similar. Both involve talking. Both offer guidance. Both are productive.

But mixing them up, or choosing one when you actually need the other, can leave you stuck, frustrated, or even worse off. I’m both a therapist and a coach, so I’m a big proponent of both. Let’s dive into the differences.

The Mistake We Keep Making About Coaching and Therapy

There’s a misconception that coaching and therapy are somewhat interchangeable, but that’s not how this works.

Coaching helps people achieve goals, improve performance, and develop their potential in certain areas of life. It usually focuses on the present and future and aims to achieve specific, measurable goals. Anyone can hang up a shingle and call themselves a coach, so you want to do your due diligence when selecting one.

Therapy uses evidence-based therapeutic techniques to resolve mental health issues and improve overall well-being. It typically involves a more in-depth exploration of the individual's past experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Therapists attend extended schooling and must be licensed by the state, so it’s more heavily regulated than coaching.

These distinctions matter more than most people realize, especially when subconscious beliefs are shaping the choices you don’t even know you’re making.

What Coaching Actually Helps With

Let’s give coaching its credit. A great coach can help you set goals, build systems, stay accountable, and move forward faster.

But coaching assumes you’re already functioning well. It’s designed for performance, not healing. Coaches generally work with people who are stable, meaning they’re not actively struggling with things like unresolved trauma, chronic anxiety, or deep emotional patterns.

That’s why coaching often works best when you’ve already done the inner work, or at least aren’t being held back by unresolved stuff you can’t quite name.

It’s like building a house. A coach can help you design better rooms, but therapy helps you fix the foundation. If you skip the foundation work, things eventually start to crack.

What Therapy Is Actually For

Therapy isn’t just “talking about your feelings.” I’ve had a lot of clients come to me after having seen another therapist who just listened and validated their feelings. While this may be what some clients need, others need more direction, to be challenged, to create lasting change.

As a therapist, I’m trained to help people identify patterns that didn’t start last month, they usually go back decades. These patterns often live in the subconscious, shaped by childhood experiences that taught you who you had to be in order to stay safe, loved, or accepted.

We now know from loads of research that core beliefs form early and tend to solidify quickly unless something actively challenges them. These beliefs aren't just thoughts, they’re emotional patterns that live deep in the brain & body’s “implicit memory” (memories outside of our conscious awareness) and shape how we see ourselves and the world.

For example, if you grew up in a household where love felt conditional, based on grades, behavior, or how “easy” you were to parent, you may carry a belief like:

“I have to be perfect to be loved.”

That belief doesn’t live in your conscious mind. You don’t walk around saying it out loud. But it drives things: your work habits, your anxiety, your relationships. It shows up in how you react to feedback, how you handle failure, and how tightly you grip control when things feel uncertain.

Therapy helps you identify those old scripts and update them. Not just logically, but emotionally and physiologically. It takes time. It’s layered. But it’s also how real change sticks.

Why Coaching Can’t Always Touch That

You have to be careful because coaching can actually reinforce the same patterns therapy is meant to help you outgrow.

If you have a subconscious belief that says “I constantly have to achieve to prove my worth,” and then you hire a coach to help you 10x your productivity….you may be feeding that subconscious loop (therefore reinforcing it even more).

You don’t have a productivity problem. You have old wiring doing what it’s always done, running the show in the background.

And here’s the thing: goal setting doesn’t rewrite emotional survival patterns. That’s why people burn out even when the tactics are solid. That’s why clients show up after years of doing “everything right” and still feel like something’s off.

The High-Functioning Trap

I work with a lot of high-achieving people. People who are doing fine on the outside but can’t shut their brains off at night. People who’ve tried coaching, self-help books, maybe even online programs, but the same emotional patterns keep coming back.

These folks don’t usually come to therapy because things are falling apart. They come because they’re tired of holding it all together.

They’re self-aware, but exhausted. And under all that control is usually something deeper: a belief formed long ago that says you can’t stop, or you’ll lose everything.

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Can You Do Both? Absolutely.

This isn’t a war between therapy and coaching. They both serve a purpose. I’ve seen clients benefit from coaching after doing foundational therapy work. And some do both in parallel.

But it’s important to know what tool you’re reaching for. If you’re trying to heal from childhood trauma, untangle lifelong patterns, or understand why your anxiety keeps spiking in situations that “shouldn’t” be stressful, that’s therapy territory.

Coaching is helpful once you’re stable and want to optimize performance, reach goals, or stay accountable. But it’s not meant to heal deep wounds. That’s like using a Band-Aid on a broken bone.

Ask Yourself This Before Hiring a Coach

Before you sign up for another program or accountability group, ask:

“Am I trying to fix a performance problem….or am I avoiding something I don’t fully understand yet?”

Because when subconscious beliefs are in the driver’s seat, no amount of productivity hacks or mindset work will get you where you want to go.

Strategy only works when your internal system is aligned with it. And if that system is still wired around fear, perfectionism, or needing to prove your worth, you’ll unintentionally sabotage that strategy. You need a safe space to understand where that pattern came from and why it’s still showing up.

Final Thought

If you’ve felt stuck, even while doing “all the right things”, it’s probably not about effort.
It’s about old beliefs still running the show. And those don’t change by pushing harder. They change by pausing long enough to understand where they came from in the first place.

That’s where therapy shines.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’re curious how childhood wiring shows up in adult decisions, or why smart people often stay stuck in repeat patterns...

I wrote a book called UNPACKED that lays it all out, how core beliefs form, how they run the show behind the scenes, and how to finally change the patterns that keep showing up in your work, your relationships, and your self-worth.

It’s practical. It’s personal. And it’s made for people who want more than surface-level advice.

Learn more about UNPACKED here. You’ll never look at your “stuckness” the same way again.