Healing Requires More Than Coping

Most of my clients show up with a long list of things they’re already doing to feel better. They workout and listen to podcasts dedicated to health & wellness. They’ve read the best-selling books and could probably teach a mini class on how to “optimize” stress.

On paper, it all looks great. But inside? They’re still anxious, still wired, still feeling like something’s wrong even if they can’t quite name it.

It’s not because they’re doing it wrong. It’s because they’re stuck on the same common mistake: treating coping like it’s a solution.

Here’s the truth no one likes to hear:
👉 Coping buys you time. Healing actually changes your baseline. And the real kicker is that coping is often unknowingly used as an avoidance strategy.

Why coping feels like progress (but stops short)

Coping works at the moment. That’s why it’s so popular. When you’re stressed, slow breathing signals your nervous system to calm down. Your heart rate drops. Your cortisol levels start to level off. That’s real, measurable, body science, not just feel-good fluff.

You need these tools. They’re the quick wins that keep you steady enough to get through rough days.

But if all you ever do is cope, you’re just learning how to manage symptoms. It’s like patching holes in a boat that still has a rotting floor. You’ll stay afloat for now, but the leaks will keep popping up.

Your nervous system needs more than breathwork

This is where high-achievers get hooked. They love anything they can master, track, and measure. Breathwork? Cold plunges? Meditation apps? All perfectly suited to their get-it-done mindset.

But your nervous system isn’t a machine you can “optimize” with a couple of neat tricks. It’s shaped by what you’ve lived through.

If you grew up learning that mistakes meant shame, or needing comfort led to rejection, your body locked in those lessons. Your brain’s alarm system (your amygdala) keeps firing off alerts anytime something feels even a little like the old pain.

So sure, deep breaths help. But they’re not enough to change the root belief that the world isn’t safe or that you’re not enough. Your baseline stays high. Your body stays tense, always scanning for danger that might not even be there.

Healing goes deeper than tools, it’s about people and your body

This is the part most people skip, especially the driven ones. They want healing to be a solo project: give them a book or a worksheet and they’re set. They want it to be as fast and efficient as possible.

But true healing is different. It’s relational. We learn fear, shame, or unworthiness in relationships, so it often takes safe, supportive relationships to unlearn it.

And it’s physical. Trauma doesn’t just live in your thoughts. It’s in your tight shoulders, your shallow breaths, your stomach that clenches before your mind has even caught up.

Real healing involves letting your body finally move through what it couldn’t back then, shaking, crying, deep sighs. That’s what somatic work is. It’s your body finishing the stress responses it had to shove down before.

The trap: confusing emotional avoidance with real regulation

This one’s sneaky. Coping can start to look like you’re “handling your emotions” when really, you’re just avoiding them.

You feel sadness, so you create a gratitude list. Anger rises, so you distract yourself with another podcast. You tell yourself you’re regulating, but you’re actually pushing feelings back down.

Regulation means you stay present with what’s coming up. You let your body process it in a safe way. Avoidance means you skip right over it. They look similar on the surface and both keep you from melting down. But one moves the feeling through. The other keeps it stuck.

From “just get through the day” to real safety inside

Most people settle for just getting by. They chain together coping skills all day to keep from falling apart. And honestly? Sometimes that’s what you need to do to survive.

But healing changes the whole game. When you get to the core wounds and finally start shifting them, your body doesn’t stay braced anymore. Your nervous system stops treating everyday stress like a life-or-death threat.

That means you’re not constantly white-knuckling your way through. You don’t need to pause and take deep breaths every hour just to keep your shit together. You just feel okay, calm, steady, and genuinely safe. That’s the difference.

Why I still teach coping but never stop there

I still give my clients coping tools. Of course I do. You need to know how to calm down when anxiety hits. You need simple ways to keep from spiraling.

But coping is the start, not the finish line.

Healing is what lowers your stress baseline so you don’t have to rescue yourself every day. It’s what finally lets you live, not just manage.

The bottom line

If you’ve been stacking up coping skills, doing everything “right,” but still feel on edge or empty, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because coping is meant to be a bridge, not your home.

Healing is slower, messier, and often needs the help of someone who knows how to guide you through it. But it’s also the only thing that truly changes how you feel, day in and day out.

If you’re tired of managing and actually ready to heal, that’s where the real freedom is. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

👉 Get on the waitlist for my book UNPACKED: How to Detach From the Subconscious Beliefs That Are Sabotaging Your Life to start clearing out the baggage that’s been dragging you down.