Therapist-Approved Inner Child Tools

Aug 27

Inner Child Work Isn’t About Fixing You, It’s About Rewiring What You Learned to Believe

One of my clients came in feeling stuck.
She couldn’t stop apologizing, in meetings, emails, group chats, even casual conversations.
She was always softening her language:

“Sorry if this is a dumb question…”
“Just wanted to check in…”
“Sorry if I’m overreacting.”

She’d tried mindfulness, grounding exercises, and breathwork. “I’ve got the calming part down,” she told me, “but it still feels like I’m the problem.”

That was the key. Her body might’ve been calm, but something deeper, older, was still running the show.

Some patterns aren’t stress responses. They’re belief systems.

When someone says, “I’m triggered,” we often think nervous system. Fight, flight, freeze, and yes, those reactions matter. But it’s also important to talk about why certain situations even register as threats in the first place.

That’s not just biology. That’s memory. That’s emotional conditioning.

My client wasn’t just stressed, she was living from a belief that had been wired in early:

“If I make myself small and easy, I’ll be safe.”

It wasn’t a conscious choice. It was survival logic she picked up before she had the words to explain it. And no amount of breathwork was going to untangle that.

What we learn as kids sticks, and it shows up everywhere

We all carry beliefs shaped by our earliest emotional environments. Not because someone sat us down and said, “Here’s how the world works,” but because our brains were constantly absorbing patterns.

When you’re young, your subconscious doesn’t filter. It doesn’t question. It just learns:

“If I speak up, I get ignored.”
“If I cry, I get punished.”
“If I’m useful, I get love.”

The brain wants to protect you, so it files those beliefs as “rules for staying safe.” They get stored deep, and years later, they still influence how you show up in your relationships, career, and sense of self.

This is why inner child work matters. Because some of your patterns aren’t stress responses. They’re subconscious habits based on outdated beliefs.

The goal isn’t just to feel better. It’s to update the wiring.

Inner child work isn’t about obsessing over the past or rehashing trauma for the sake of it. It’s about understanding where your beliefs came from, and gently updating them with what’s actually true now.

That takes tools. But not all tools do the same thing, and not all are helpful in every moment.

Here’s how I break it down with clients:

**Good tools meet you where you are, not where you think you should be**

Healing tools fall into two big buckets:

1. Comfort Tools

These help calm your body, make you feel safer, and give you space to pause before reacting when something upsets you.

Think:

Body grounding: Tools that help bring your focus back to your body when you’re overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected.
Sensory resets: Calm or wake up your senses.
Soothing routines: Builds safety into your day.

2. Growth Tools

These help you understand where your beliefs come from and gently change how you see yourself and relate to others.

Think:

Journaling prompts: To reveal patterns
Self-talk: Inner conversations
Identity shifts: Rewriting your story

You need both. Comfort without growth keeps you stuck in cycles that feel tolerable but unchanging. Growth without comfort can overwhelm your system and recreate the pressure you’re trying to heal from.

So, what does that look like in real life?

🔸 Somatic and Sensory Check-Ins

These are simple, quick ways to reconnect to your body and interrupt automatic reactions. Not to suppress your feelings, but to give yourself a little space.

Try:

Push into the ground or wall: Press your feet into the floor or push your hands gently against a wall. Notice the strength in your body.
Tense & Release: Squeeze a body part (like your fists or shoulders) for a few seconds, then let go. Feel the difference.
Cold water splash or holding ice: A quick way to reset your system if you feel panicky, frozen, or out of it.
Weighted items: Something like a weighted blanket or your dog/cat on your lap — it can help you feel steady and safe.

🔸 Writing Prompts That Actually Go Somewhere

Journaling gets a bad rap, but it’s extremely useful. And it isn’t just for venting. It can also help you uncover core wounds and limiting beliefs that show up on repeat.

Instead of asking “How do I feel?” try:

“Where did I learn this belief about myself?”
Helps you trace back messages you picked up in childhood or past relationships.
“What am I afraid would happen if I let go of this belief?”
Brings awareness to hidden fears behind old habits or ways of thinking.
“What emotions do I avoid — and why?”
Helps you see if you’ve been taught that certain feelings are “bad” or not allowed.
“When do I act or feel like a younger version of me?”
Identifies situations that bring out old reactions or survival strategies.

You’re not overthinking, you’re investigating.

🔸 Self-Dialogue That Builds Internal Safety

Write from different perspectives: Try journaling as your inner critic, then as your wiser self. What would each one say? What feels more true?
Talk to your younger self: Say kind things to the version of you that needed more support — “You didn’t deserve that. I’m here now.”
Affirmations in the mirror: Speak a truth out loud — “I’m allowed to take up space.” I know it feels awkward, but it starts to shift things.
Ask: Whose voice is this? When harsh thoughts pop up, pause and ask: Is this really my voice — or something I was told?

🔸 Identity Shifts That Rewrite Your Story

“I used to believe… now I know…” Helps you see how you’re growing — e.g., “I used to believe I had to make everyone happy. Now I know my needs matter too.”
Clarify your values: Ask: “What do I really care about — not just what I was told I ‘should’ want?”
Imagine your future self: Picture yourself in 2 years — grounded, strong, connected. Ask: “What did I have to let go of to become this version of me?”
Life timeline: Think of your life like chapters in a book. What beliefs shaped each chapter? What do you want your next chapter to be about?

Don’t turn healing into another task you fail at

A common trap I see? People load up on tools, then beat themselves up for not using them “enough.”

Let me say this clearly: you do not need a healing routine that takes 90 minutes and 14 apps. One or two tools, used regularly, with intention, that’s enough. Healing is about your relationship with yourself, not perfection.

Progress doesn’t look like nailing your morning routine.
It looks like:

Noticing a familiar pattern, and pausing.
Choosing to respond instead of react.
Treating yourself like someone worth listening to.

That’s healing, even if it’s quiet.

How to track progress (without making it a performance)

Here’s what I ask my clients to notice, instead of relying on big emotional shifts or dramatic breakthroughs:

Are you more aware of your patterns than before?
Do you catch yourself before the spiral starts?
Are you more honest with yourself even if it’s uncomfortable?
Do you have more moments of self-respect, even when you’re struggling?

If yes, that’s progress. Don’t let your perfectionism tell you otherwise.

Final thought

Your inner child doesn’t need fixing.
They need acknowledgement.
And your adult self, the one learning, reflecting, showing up, is capable of offering that.

You don’t have to force your way into healing.
You just have to stop ignoring the parts of you that learned to survive in silence.

That’s what these tools are really for.
Not to turn you into a better version of yourself.
But to help you remember who you were before you learned to doubt yourself.

👉 Get on the waitlist for my book UNPACKED: How to Detach From the Subconscious Beliefs That Are Sabotaging Your Life to start clearing out the baggage that’s been weighing you down.